Part I – Trusting God in the Storm

I have been away from my blog for a long while – my sincere apologies.  An event that occurred in our lives deeply affected me and made it hard to sit down and write again.  I am finally returning to the keyboard and putting pen to paper.  It is time to tell this story of personal tragedy and the events that followed in our lives.  This is the central topic of this six-part series as I explore Trusting God in the Storm.  

The story begins in mid-April 2024.  I had just finished reading one of Paul’s epistles – I think it was 1 Corinthians – and was thinking about the next article I wanted to write for this blog.  I had been planning for a few days to write about why a good God permits suffering in this world.  I was walking back to my small office area in our home when my cell phone rang.  It was my son-in-law of two years.  There was strain in his voice as he uttered words that would change the life of myself and my wife.

He said, “Jenna stopped breathing, and paramedics had rushed her to the hospital.”  Jennalee – we all call her Jenna – was our 27-year-old daughter (you will notice the use of the past tense – a clue into magnitude the tragedy).  She and her husband had just celebrated their second wedding anniversary five days previously and now she was clinging to life in a trauma center in a hospital 550 miles from where we lived.

My wife and I drove all night long arriving in Fort Mill, South Carolina a bit after 2 am in the morning.  We knew that Jenna had been suffering from a severe ear infection for the past three days.  She was on antibiotics and steroids but was still very sick.  Her husband had stayed home from work to be with her. In the early afternoon realized he could no longer hear her snoring.  Her breathing had quit, and he called 911.

Jenna’s husband, his mom and dad met us on the fourth floor of the hospital.  She had been moved to the ICU and they had tried to be with her as much as they could.  They told that she was on a breathing tube, but her heart was strong.  We all went into the ICU to see her and were met by the ICU doctor.

What he had to say was not encouraging.  He told us that she had suffered a heart attack – her heart had simply quit beating earlier in the day and she had gone without circulation and oxygen for ten minutes, maybe longer.  The scans and tests performed while she was in the trauma unit indicated that her brain was most likely not functioning.

The air in the room was sucked away from me.  I could not breathe.  He was basically saying she was dead!  We had literally seen her a week ago and had talked to her the day before.  How could she be dead?  I looked at her.  She looked so peaceful, but so alive.  I expected her to open her eyes and start ribbing me about something.  Other than the monitors and the breathing tube she looked absolutely normal.  Looking back now I realize I went into denial.  I was thinking that these doctors just didn’t know what they are talking about.  This is Jenna – she can’t die.  A girl so vibrant and full of love for life.  She will be fine – we just need to pray about it.

We called every prayer warrior we know.  We called pastors of churches we had moved away from, current pastors, friends, family and even people we had not talked to in years.  They called their pastors and prayer chains.  Prayers for healing and restoration were sent heavenward.  Hundreds were praying for healing and for life.

But none of it helped…

God abandoned us.  He turned a deft ear to the prayers of His saints.  He refused to extend a miracle healing to us.  Miracles were happening all around us – children were born, the sick were healed and cancer patients were being declared cancer free – but there were no miracles for us.

Two days later the medical professionals declared Jenna dead.  She was removed from the life support machines and taken to the morgue.

We were numb.  Jenna was our only daughter.  She had two brothers, a mom, a dad and a newly married husband that she was leaving behind and it was all God’s fault.  He did not come through for us – for me like He promises in His word!

Have you read James 5:14-15: “Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them… The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up.”  Is this not what we had done?

I could not understand the unanswered prayer. It had to have been unanswered – right? God would not say “No” – that is not what James tells us!  I always thought God was faithful, that he worked everything out for good.  I could not see how losing my daughter worked for good.

Jenna was buried on a cool, rainy Saturday morning in the first week in May. 

I felt dead inside.  I felt unable to go on.

How could I process what had happened.  My daughter was gone.  My eyes still tear up as I write this.  It is still very raw.  At that time, it was too much to take in.  I kept asking myself where God was when this was happening.  Why had he abandoned me.  These questions soon morphed into a far more important question – can I even trust God?

In the weeks that followed I became very angry with God.  As I saw it – He answers prayers all the time but when I needed Him, and there were hundreds praying on our behalf, He turned His back us.  He took my daughter.  Was a God like that worthy of my dedication.  Could He be trusted?

As I railed against God, and I accused Him of being a bad God – He waited patiently.   My wife remained strong in the Lord and was my only anchor during this time and in the storm raging around me.  I cried and I shook my fist at God, and I told Him what I thought of what He had allowed to happen in my life while torrents of anguish swept over me. 

My anger burnt out in the weeks that followed, and I was counseled by some wonderful Godly men.  Thankfully they were not like those who counseled Job.  I wrestled with this question fervently – can I trust God.  Is He worthy of my trust?  I needed to answer this question.  He brought me into suffering, He permitted the unthinkable so where was He in the suffering? 

The answer to that question seemed pretty clear to me when I was about to write an article about it way back then.  Now I am living on the other side of that article, and I must admit that it is far less clear.  I have come back to trusting God, but it looks very different now.  I have asked forgiveness for my sin in my anger.  I accused God of some terrible things.  The truth is that embodied in God is perfect Goodness.  That means that He cannot be bad, cannot do bad.  Within Him is perfect wisdom – He knows the very best way to accomplish His ends and there is no other better way.  He is sovereign as well.  He executes his will to His own glory.

Over the next few weeks, I want to tell you about this very personal journey beginning with the thought that I knew enough to write an article about “Why God permits suffering” – a truly arrogant thought – through loss and anger and humility to forgiveness and finally restoration.  To say that this is a deeply personal set of articles is an understatement.  What I hope is that you can see God anew through this journey and the ways that God has revealed Himself to me. 

Follow along as I explore these topics and relate more of the story and what God is teaching us in this tragedy.

• Feeling what Job felt – learning what Job learned
• Is it ok to be angry with God?
• Qualities that make God trustworthy: Goodness, wisdom, sovereignty
• Why does God permit suffering in this world?
• How do we really trust God in the storm? – The rest of the story.